It's been a hot minute...

November 15, 2020

Somehow, each time I sit down to write an update…my brain refuses to join me. This morning, sitting in the cool air on the front porch at One Shot Ranch, maybe I can coax it along.

That seems to have been the theme for the last month or so. My body is present, but my brain is MIA. I have also never experienced such fatigue. Goodness, I am not sure I have ever slept as much as I have in the last month. Maybe when I was an infant…but I can hear my mom laughing hysterically at that statement. I’ve been told I am lucky to have a younger brother because I was the worst infant ever!

The last month has also brought on a great deal of introspection. Between the intimate experience of managing cancer to the intrusiveness of a “unique” presidential election, I will admit to being slightly overwhelmed emotionally and physically during the last few weeks. When I say “introspection,” I mean that every moment, every interaction, every bit of information I allow into my realm is intensified, made brilliant, and impactful. I’ve had to become somewhat selective as to what I allow in.

Last month was also Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Among many blessings I received was the “Caring for Carter” mask fundraiser run by my sweet friend Christine (Benedict) Wainright. I had no idea what to expect and was I ever surprised! All of you who purchased masks allowed me to donate $700 to my chosen charity, Bright Pink! Your purchases raised $350 and I matched that donation! I am excited to support this organization because they focus on action by educating women about which tests they should get regularly to identify breast and ovarian cancers. They also partner with businesses that identify with the same target audience. Their outreach is fresh and inviting.

Additionally, my Moorhead Junior High family went all out on “Pink Out!” Teams all over the school came together to support me (and Breast Cancer Awareness Month)! These photos mean more than you can possibly imagine! Lot’s of happy tears came flowing when I saw all of these smiling faces! I miss you all more than you know!

Cancer and chemotherapy have helped me realize what I REALLY need – emotionally, physically, spiritually, financially – you name it. I am faced with the question daily – “What exactly do I NEED today?” And if certain things, ideas, people don’t meet the need, I find myself kindly passing on such offerings.

During 2020, we have ALL experienced isolation because of quarantine. During the nationwide quarantine in the spring, however, it almost felt like a team effort. Somehow it seemed as if we all did this collectively, we were getting something done that would benefit everyone.  This current isolation I am experiencing while those close to me go to work every day and operate somewhat normally is maddening and difficult! My doctor told me Tuesday that joining family for the holidays is not going to be a good idea. However, I am hoping to manage a way through RV travel and eating outside to get some “distanced” family visits to happen!

The greatest news of the last four weeks is that my tumor has shrunk by MORE than 50% in reaction to the first four chemo treatments! That is exactly what the doctor had hoped to see! This Tuesday, I start the second phase of treatment. Whereas before I was getting a chemo treatment every two weeks, this regimen requires a chemo treatment weekly for 12 weeks.

Typically, for stage 1 breast cancer, this phase of chemo consists of a drug call Taxol (this drug stops cancer cells from dividing and replicating). After reading many medical studies (ones I found as well as ones provided by my oncologist), we have decided to add another drug, Carboplatin, to my treatment. Carboplatin is a platinum based drug that wrecks the DNA of the cancer cells. Studies have shown that when Carboplatin in added to the chemo regimen, there is a 20% better chance that the cancer cells are 100% dead at the time of surgery. This is called a “complete pathological response (CPR). When there is a CPR of the cancer, surgery is less risky because of the lack of any live cancer cells.  

Adding Carboplatin increases the toxicity level of the treatment. However, I have already been given the MOST toxic chemo drug – Adriamycin – known as the “Red Devil.” My particular reaction to this drug has been “mild” (nothing about this is “mild”) as compared to others. The doctor feels that I can most likely tolerate the addition of Carboplatin and that the gain outweighs the risk. We can also simply stop/remove the drug at any time I say I’m done.

This round also presents a new schedule. I have been going to the doctor/clinic once every week. This round requires a visit to the oncology clinic four times per week. Tuesday is chemo infusion. Wednesday, Thursday and Friday I have to go back for Xarvio shots and bloodwork. These shots are fast acting shots that help my body produce white blood cells quickly. Having an infusion weekly requires a quick recovery and these shots will help.

I am a little nervous about the weekly treatments because during the first 4 treatments, that second week after the infusion seemed to be a “good week.” (One where I actually seemed to have a bit more energy and immunity.) I am not sure how that will correlate during this phase.

Although I miss my work family, my classroom, my students and the schedule that teaching brings, I am thankful for the time to be able to spend in Lovelady. The quiet, fresh, beautiful setting with no TV (ok we get two channels), no traffic and just a sense of peace is therapeutic. I seem to get somewhat revitalized here.

I am almost halfway through my chemotherapy! With Thanksgiving and Christmas on the horizon, I feel like the next several weeks will go by quickly. I am thankful for that. I am also deeply grateful to everyone who reads this, prays for me, kindly helps out in important ways, or just simply impacts me in a special way. There are so many of you and you know exactly who you are! I love you and am truly more thankful that you know.

Although I said I didn’t think I was the “wig type,” I did it! My oncology nurse mentioned a program to me that I think is amazing. “THair for You” is a program through Visible changes. They give FREE wigs to women going through chemotherapy. The owner and CEO of Visible Changes is a cancer survivor. After she went through her treatment, she decided to implement this program to help other women. I registered, picked a wig from their gallery and went into VC at the Woodlands Mall to have it fitted. The sweet woman who helped my is also a breast cancer survivor and was excited to help. I won’t wear the wig every day, however, it is lovely to have for special occasions!

Life on the ranch…

Somebody’s beehive is going to be extra sweet! I am going to call these guys “slackers!” Y’all need to make your way out to the flowers like the REAL worker bees do! I cleaned this feeder up last night and refilled it hoping that the bees would not be able to get into it…no such luck. They are back this morning. Funny thing is, every five minutes or so, a bee flies over to me on the porch as if to say thank you. I love honeybees (as some of you know) and will someday SOON have my own hive(s). For now, I will have to enjoy my visitors.

I also have quite a few carpenter bees finding pollen on the Yellow Bells. Along with this pretty black moth called Melanchroia Chephise. So pretty!

I had a wonderful first weekend of November with ALL of my kids! If you have more than one child, you KNOW how hard it is to get them all in one spot for more than a hot minute! I kept apologizing to them that I gathered them to sit around and look at me, but my energy level is so low all the time. I think secretly, they were all glad for the down time with mom, too!

I am thankful that my mom and Rick are back in Texas close to me. I have enjoyed spending time with her and that’s just going to get better with my new schedule…she’s on for Wednesdays! Yay!

And then there’s this one…words cannot express the positive energy this man brings me every day. He has put so much on the backburner to be here for me. My knight in shining armor!